Friday, 21 June 2013

Being shat on and screwed all in the same day.............

So .......well, what can I say? Mutley has had a bigger screw put in his elbow - I am bracing myself  to ring the vets to ask how much this second op is going to cost. Personally I don't think it should cost anything as they got the screw size wrong in the first place so after another coffee and a few motivational chants to myself , I am on it - just like a car bonnet or whatever the expression is.
Fridays are never my best day. I am always thinking about Saturday whereas on Saturdays I am always thinking about drinking lots of wine and having a lie in on a Sunday.
And this Friday was going ever so well until 11.05 am ish when there was an 'incident' in Island Square, right at the heart of St Ives Downalong area and where seemingly an excessive range of passers by and motorists were present.
Not a drop of that noisy winged bastard's poop hit the road. It went in my hair, it splattered against my cheeks, a bit may have gone in my eye and it covered  the left side of my t shirt and some hit the upper part of my nicely tanning right boob. For all of you that know me, I think you are guessing for even one of my breasts to be even half   covered meant that there was a lot of liquid involved.
Luckily my friend Steve was in his car. He heard my screams of self loathing and terror and wound his window down. He is a kind man and he didn't laugh, he ignored the cat calls and the guffaws and kindly leant me a towel to wipe the gallons of white slimy poo off myself.
All I can say is that it's a good job that I ( sometimes ) have a sense of humour and managed to see the funny side of it. The good thing about seagull poo is that it doesn't smell and it's a good job I am a calm and tolerant person and I managed to joke and banter with the first few dozen people that felt the need to say - ''hey love, buy yourself a lotto ticket''..... although I may have muttered something under my breath to the 12th would be funny guy that was not very nice. I wanted to remind them all that it's me that cracks the jokes around here. I admit, I did eventually get a bit , well a bit shitty really!
It's good to laugh, even if it is at myself.....honestly.
And if I ever see that bleddy gull again, he's for it. I think he's the same one that got me when I was with Leanne a couple of weeks ago. Trouble is they all look the same to me...........
And now I am off to soak in a bath.

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