Tuesday 30 April 2013

dietdevil: I like old 'stuff'................but I also #love...

dietdevil: I like old 'stuff'................but I also #love...: So today I went for a wander and snapped away at the lovely scene down on the harbour.   I am a secret wannabee snapper and even invest...

I like old 'stuff'................but I also #lovehashtags

So today I went for a wander and snapped away at the lovely scene down on the harbour.
 
I am a secret wannabee snapper and even invested in a posh fancy camera around 18 months ago but since I got my posh fancy iphone a year ago I have barely used it. Makes me wish I hadn't spent the money on it in  the first place, but ah well.
 
Not long after the iphone and I became firm friends I discovered a thing called Instagram which basically takes your pics from your mobile device and adds light, shade and usually fuzzy edges to them.
 
I LOVE INSTAGRAM............there I have said it!
 
They make my pics look better than I ever could and using that app,  there are some seriously talented snappers.

  Oh I can dream.
 
One of the reasons I like it is because it can make any old pic looked old fashioned and I love this.
 
 
 I'm sure all you pre-digital blog readers out there will recall the photo albums from your youth and the nostalgia they evoke.
 
My Mum had hundreds of photos but they were all in a gigantic box on top of her wardrobe and it would genuinely thrill me to clamber up, get it down and spend hours just gazing at all the images.
 
Another aspect of old photos I love is ones of towns in bygone times. Growing up in an old town and living in one now too, I adore seeing scenes where only the clothing and transport has changed and you can pick out certain shops and say ''oh my god, that's an estate agents now and it used to be a cobblers'' etc etc etc
 
The fuzzier and more blurred the better as far as I was concerned and I know that anyone 40 ish plus like me will agree too.
 
It showed us all warts and all. It showed horrendous wallpaper and perms and bad home hair dyes and of course, the famous Lady Di sheep style jumper favoured by any true Northumbrian in the 80's.
 
 
There was no background planning or tidying of shelves malarkey. These photos were RAW!
 
 And does anyone remember all those photos of various places and landmarks which would be taken from a long distance and any family members or friends would just be tiny dots and you could never tell who they were anyway?
 
They were the best.  The good old days eh?
 
I can still visualise some of the photos that my Mum had and I would really love to get my hands on them and scan them and download them and send them to my phone and then Instagram them just to see if it would have a reverse effect and make them look modern. The things I wonder sometimes...........
 
And of course an important  feature of Instagram is the hashtags #####
 
To get your photo noticed you have to place a # in front of key words to attract attention and make other users look at the subject you are highlighting. For example, I like taking photos of food and I love to #bacon #beans and #chips it all but to the disgust of my children I also #foodporn and Mums and porn should not be used in the same area of social networking should they?
 
Especially ones that used to wear dodgy jumpers...............
 
 

Monday 29 April 2013

dietdevil: Ode to the doctors.

dietdevil: Ode to the doctors.: So back in the days of olden times When life was fine and dandy If you ever got an illness The NHS was   oh so handy Your mu...

Ode to the doctors.


So back in the days of olden times

When life was fine and dandy

If you ever got an illness

The NHS was  oh so handy

Your mum would take your temperature

And send you back to bed

Ring them up , ‘’Yes I’ll come out’’

Is what they always said

I’m not sure exactly when it changed

But it’s deffo for the worse

These days you need

To beg and plead

Just to see a sodding nurse

You have to bribe receptionists

And invent all types of ills

Just to step foot in the waiting room

And get some special pills

And everything now  is viral

Do they say it just to spite us?

What happened to a good old bug

Or a case of tonsillitis?

What happened to a kind old doc

Whose advice was always best

As he fussed at you and patted you

With his steth pressed to your chest

And most worryingly  the bad  part

As your health official has a look

At your poor tired and ailing body

Is the fact they need to use a book

To diagnose your symptoms

And check you wont react

To the bottles they are prescribing you

And that you stay intact

And they’ve miraculously cured you

And your health is all tip top

Think next time

I’ll take a wander round

To the good old health food shop

Saturday 27 April 2013

dietdevil: You can't beat meat and pickles.............oh and...

dietdevil: You can't beat meat and pickles.............oh and...: So , hands up, I like food.    If I didn't like it then I wouldn't have called this blog 'Diet Devil' and I wouldn'...

You can't beat meat and pickles.............oh and some mayo, low fat of course

So , hands up, I like food.
 
 If I didn't like it then I wouldn't have called this blog 'Diet Devil' and I wouldn't be a life long member of fat club and a slave to all sorts of gimmicks that promise us the body to die for.
 
Luckily I also quite like to cook - sometimes.
 
This last few weeks my heart hasn't been into either dieting or cooking and I have tended to eat whatever is close to hand rather than think about it and be creative.
 
I have decided to enjoy my food again and whether this means making a new dish or just eating good old fashioned grub that makes me think 'mmmmmm that's nice' it's what I plan on doing. And of course, I am also going to try and keep it healthy and within the boundaries of Slimming World.
 
Today, for example, I had this for lunch..............
 
 
and as they would say down here in St Ives it was 'bleddy ansum'.
 
There's nothing quite like a bit ( or a lot ) of meat and pickle and the chicken, ham, onion and gherkin combo was delicious!
 
Tonight, Martha , inspired by the current series of Masterchef is going to make a chunky seafood chowder for dinner and the last time she made one it was divine. Honest to God, it had the aroma and taste of something that you would get in a restaurant. She is a culinary whizz and as her food tatses so nice I shall excuse the fact that I know she will use ust about every pot, plan and plate in my kitchen.
 
The knack to successful dieting is to make sure what you eat tastes as good as what you really want to eat. I know that pastry is a no no and that cheese has to be limited ( boooo ) but most recipes can be adapted to behave themselves in the calorie stakes.
 
I bought another load of food at Tescos today and apart from a packet of toasting muffins there was nothing in my shallow trolley that was naughty.
 
NOTHING!
 
There was even a lettuce.
 
I think I need a lie down................I can feel a meat sweat coming.

Friday 26 April 2013

dietdevil: Relax - I'm still here - I'm just being quiet.

dietdevil: Relax - I'm still here - I'm just being quiet.: Soooooooooo last week I decided to go all serious with my blogging and my writing and you know what???   I REALLY ENJOYED IT.   For...

Relax - I'm still here - I'm just being quiet.

Soooooooooo last week I decided to go all serious with my blogging and my writing and you know what???
 
I REALLY ENJOYED IT.
 
For all of you that know me well, I love reading and I love writing and I just thought I would try something a bit different for once. It had mixed reviews if I'm honest - the subjects weren't pretty but they made me think and ( I'm being a luvvy now ) drag thoughts and emotions from deep within.
 
Is this good or is this bad?
 
Well - even I can't be funny 365 days of the year so I think I will continue to throw something different into the loop every now and again, just to keep you all on your toes.
 
I haven't blogged for a whole week , but inspired by my friend Suze's very lovely blog and my friend Leanne - one of the funniest people I know's blog I thought I should pull my proverbial finger out and do some tap tap tapping on the old laptop keys........and so I have.
 
I haven't really got anything to say though, but as that never usually stops me, I will give you a brief run down of what's been going on in the land of 'me' for the last couple of weeks.
 
Hattie went back to uni - I cried
 
Hattie came back from uni for the weekend and then went back again - I cried again
 
My dog Mutley or 'Limpy Moo' as we call him has hurt his shoulder- I have hurt mine too
 
I have lost 8.5 pounds in 4 weeks - size zero here I come cough cough
 
I think I ruffled a few feathers when Mrs Thatcher died - woops
 
I still want to be a writer
 
I am reading a fab book at the moment
 
I am choosing the next read for book group
 
I need to weed the garden
 
I need to reclaim my kitchen and start cooking nice food again
 
And that's about it really.
 
So when I look at it summarised like that, I think I will still blog about me but will still do my poems and writings. I have written a short story about the loss of virginity but am not sure that my 14 Russians are ready for such information.
 
I may leave it a while until I earn their trust.
 
 

Friday 12 April 2013

dietdevil: Wine and wet lettuces.

dietdevil: Wine and wet lettuces.: So I have been a blogging slut - so what?    I have had things on my plate - and haven't been too inspired. But the good news is - ...

Wine and wet lettuces.

So I have been a blogging slut - so what?
 
 I have had things on my plate - and haven't been too inspired. But the good news is - I am today!
 
It's been a tough couple of weeks for one reason and another. I will not bore you with all the details but I have been pushed and pulled in various directions and I now feel like a wet one of these
 
Is it just me or does everyone just want to be 'left alone' sometimes?
 
For me it's a lot of the time.
 
Am I depressed? - I don't think so.
 
Am I miserable? - Yes definitely......but not all of the time.
 
Life is tough and sometimes it just gets tougher and tougher but you just have to man up and crack on with it. I sometimes suprise myself with how strong I can be but other times I disappoint myself too.
 
Take wine for example - I flipping  love the stuff and had 3 large glasses with some friends the other night. Now back in the day I could down a bottle without batting an eyelid but not any more.........
 
Let's just say that yesterday I felt a bit 'worse for wear'. There was a headache involved, there was some palpatations involved, there was an incident involving Freddie and some chocolate cupcakes and as I pride myself on being honest when blogging, I'm not going to lie , there was also some vomitting of a projectile nature. It's not big and it's not clever and it happened.
 
I hope to God that it doesn't put me off the red stuff for life. I enjoy it too much to give it up but maybe next time I shall stick to just the 2 glasses.
 
On a positive note - I lost 4 pounds in weight this week. The cynics amongst you may credit this to the loss of bodily fluids yesterday and the fact that all I had eaten was one tiny slice of toast but I am still chuffed. Onwards and downwards for me.
 
And thankfully, another part of my life is soon drawing to a close - BLOODY QUIZ NIGHT! We played last night ( and won ) and I think there is now only 2 more. This makes me happy. After 12 years of doing it I still dont know the periodic table ( nor do I want to ). any European football teams ( ditto ) and which king fought which battle a gazillion years ago. My Thursdays will be my own again - so you see, life isn't all that bad!
 

Wednesday 3 April 2013

dietdevil: RANT RANT RANT RANT

dietdevil: RANT RANT RANT RANT: So I could put if off no longer. My kids were right and we literally had ''no food in the house''. I did have wholewheat pa...

RANT RANT RANT RANT

So I could put if off no longer. My kids were right and we literally had ''no food in the house''. I did have wholewheat pasta , some frozen sweetcorn and some greek honey and peach yogurt but I didn't fancy making a meal out of that so we have just had a fun packed family outing to Morrison's.
 
I loathe shopping and I also loathe entire families  that feel the need to crowd round the trolley ( for any avid blog readers - you will remember I wrote a poem about it a while ago ) and today I was part of one of those families! I am sorry.
 
I had no list but I knew in my head what we needed. I am the ultimate online shopping fan, generally doing it from the comfort of my armchair at night whilst sipping a warm merlot or a cold voddie. At the moment I am economising and I wanted time alone without interruption to weigh up the value of my meat, fruit and veg. My shopping companions could see I was on a mission and knew better than to disturb me. They gave me a wide berth.
 
I was outaged at the cost of everything! Since when was caviar so dear? Why on earth is champagne so damned pricey these days????
 
As Uncle Bryn from Gavin and Stacey would say - ''joking I am '' - there was nowt in my trolley that wasn't a necessity and I found the whole expedition very depressing. My bill came to £77 and that was for a family of 4 with no luxuries or treats whatsoever. How the hell are young families with more than 2 kids and packed lunches etc meant to survive?
 
All this in the light of Moon Face's buddy Ian Duncan Smith claiming that anyone can survive on £53 a week, I would like to ask the jumped up political failure of a tosser - WHERE?
 
At an all inclusive holiday resort?
 
In the jungle?
 
In cloud cuckoo land?
 
And incase any of you are wondering who Moon Face is  - it's him below-
 
 
Now look at that expression.
 
Is he trying to decide which is the best value tins of beans? Is he trying to work out if he will have enough left out of his £53 at the checkout?
 
No!
 
He is trying to look serious and pensive and caring.
 
He is trying to portray the image of 'the best man for the job'.
 
 He is seriously trying my patience. Me and the rest of the country.
 
Cost of living up up up
 
Wages the same or not up anywhere near as much.
 
You do the maths.
 
Roll on 2015.
 
Until then, we could all just put a picture of him on our fridge and then hopefully we will all feel so sick that we won't want to eat anyway.

Tuesday 2 April 2013

dietdevil: Life is like a game of frustration

dietdevil: Life is like a game of frustration: So today is Tuesday but as it has been a bank holiday weekend it feels like a Monday and I have had  2 days of work to do. I hit several hu...

Life is like a game of frustration

So today is Tuesday but as it has been a bank holiday weekend it feels like a Monday and I have had  2 days of work to do. I hit several hurdles today but think I have cleared them all.
 
I am having wine to celebrate.
 
 Not loads - just enough to make me say ''ahhhhhhh''
 
I made phone calls, I spoke to electricians, I had a medical problem, I had no electric, I had no food, I had a horrible out of date cereal bar for brunch, I had a couple of panic attacks, I had a few tears and then it all finally sorted itself out at around 5pm.
 
Is it all really worth it?
 
Why do I have to say the same things to the same people all the time - and not particularly nice things too?
 
Why do I bother?
 
When can I become a published writer and wave goodbye to it all?
 
Who knows. Tomorrow is another day and I will try and tackle it with enthusiasm and tranquility - ok even I know that this will not happen but my heart is in the right place.
 
As I have said before, I wish I was one of my springer spaniels - especially Freddy. This is what he looks like while reklaxed and this is what I will look like after my wine.
 
 
Cheers everyone!
Keep snarling.