Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Operation Minging Dress and will I actually wear it once it fits?

So I have been to Brizzle and have visited my mother. It went well. I hugged her and told her I loved her and she was nice and only told me I looked tired once and I met her eye and said ''Mum I am fine''. She gave me a chicken dinner, she rolled her eyes slightly when I said I didn't eat bread or drink milk and she was only racist a couple of times when mentioning her neighbours across the road that were drug dealers and Indians. I ignored her open Daily Mail and she ignored the fact that I said the word 'arsehole'. I am glad I went and I am sad that it had been so long since I last saw her. Life's too short............even for a peppery mother and daughter relationship.
She also tried to force feed me cakes and biscuits but I was strong! She is an official feeder!
I am back now and I have tackled my wardrobe again! It is gradually being whittled down and the fat clothes are being given to the charity shop or to my even fatter friend who,  when she reads this is not going to be happy but I couldn't resist ha!
Anyway, whilst having a look today I unearthed this little beauty.........
I don't know where or why the hell I bought it but it has been folded up along with a few other ''no chance you're arse will never fit'' garments and I was curious today as to whether it would fit or not.
Well I think we all know what curiosity did don't we?
That cat is dead!
I have decided therefore that even though it is  a complete and utter fashion no no that the next stage of my weight loss journey is going to be called................drum roll please.......
and I am going to wear this dress on Christmas Day when I will hopefully fit it. Before and after the copious amounts of fizz and sprouts.
I am saying this particular day as I don't normally venture past my front door on December 25th so I can subject any festive friends and family to it only and not the poor unsuspecting public.
I tried to squish myself into it and there's at least a 5 inch gape at the back but I reckon if I am really good then I may be able to do it. And if I don't? Well I am sure I can find one of my famous cardigans to cover up any exposed flesh.
And to prove to you all what I am up against here is another picture. M obviously takes after her maternal grandmother and has whipped up this heavenly beauty aka a banoffee pie.
 I have stared at the whipped cream topping that has been suggestively dusted with cocoa powder and I can see the toffee and banana oozing out of it but none has passed my lips. I want to I want to but I want that minging dress on my back more.
And as the fat club think tanks says -
''do you like it enough to wear it?''
No I don't but in all fairness I don't really like the minging dress either so it's a bit of a tricky situation here. Perhaps it will look better on me and zipped up as opposed to me hunched over gasping for breath? Only time will tell.............
And as it's fat club tomorrow I have had no carbs today. I am growing to love mashed cauliflower and have had some cleansing tea to drink. There is some lamb in the slow cooker and I am praying that the couple of chunks of stilton that I had when in Brizzle will not be wedged onto me tomorrow when I step onto those scales. A maintain I can cope with but a gain I cant.
And one more thing - today I am feeling a bit flat but I have got plans for a shenanigan which have perked me up no end. It involves air travel and it involves quiche and I really want to do it! I don't know if I can pull this off!
OK - of course I can! hellooooooo road / air trip!

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