Monday, 15 July 2013

Staycation fun, a few more arseholes and am I gullible?

So H my oldest daughter is very busy at the moment. She has 2 jobs, a placement for her speech therapy work and basically doesn't stop. She is loving being back in Cornwall and is having a bit of a staycation on the little time she has off. Visiting different beaches, swimming in the sea, barbecues - and today................snorkelling with Sophie and Becca ( aka Janet)
They got the cheapest and most tacky snorkels available from one of the ahem, less classy shops in town and it took them ages just to get them out of the packaging. I did warn them not to drown because, if they went missing then the photo above would be the one that they would use on Sky News.............
As today is Monday it is generally the day I have to deal with at least one arsehole. Since getting rid of the arsehole a couple of weeks ago my life has definitely been a bit easier but today another one emerged. She is the owner of a holiday property and has a limp handshake. She is also horrifically obese as is her husband and her teenage son has breasts. They look like a family that should be featured on a Channel 4 show with some nubile fitness freak giving them a makeover. I would bleddy love to see her on a treadmill with her crying because she couldn't have a burger and having to have some grilled haddock and rocket instead.
Am I being a cow?
Have I got PMT?
Do I care?
And as has been the norm for recent blogs, it just wouldn't be the same without some form of gull update.
Well Peter, Gordon and Tony are still up the road. A woman that I vaguely know knocked on my door an hour ago and asked if I would ring Jackie With the Big Glasses to take them away as she was worried about one of them ( Peter I think ). She has been buying them a bottle of water each day but can't afford to keep shelling out a pound. I kept a straight face at this point. This woman is a bit of an arsehole too if I'm perfectly honest and I kept my comment to myself. That's the comment where I would have said . ''well I really don't think they would mind if it was tap water you gormless bint and I don't rescue gulls so why don't you just go away''
Anyway, a friend of mine texted me a picture of a seagull he claims to have seen wandering along the harbour front. Now this friend is a bit of a joker and I laughed first and then asked if it had been photo-shopped but he claims not and that somebody really has glued a Santa hat to the bird's head.
Am I gullible? Is it real? Will tomorrow bring any less arseholes? Will I lose weight at fat club on Thursday? Will the punters like my quiz tomorrow and will Jackie With the Big Glasses help integrate Tony Gordon and Peter back into seagull society?
Answers to none of the above tomorrow...............

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