So I have 2 daughters aged 20 and 16. I never wanted tons of kids and I think 2 is just the right number. I don't feel robbed because I never had a son. I am geared up for girls and their hormones and tantrums and their little ways. I am really an overgrown teenager myself you see, and am generally fairly hormonal and prone to the odd little tantrum myself so it works out quite well.
The oldest one has just finished her second year at uni and got a first in all her exams and coursework. I am immensely proud of this and I know how much hard work she put in, so it is neither fluke nor luck - it is 100% deserved.
Youngest has just sat her gcse's so we are awaiting her results next month. She also worked hard and I am crossing everything that she too has done well. She has a lot to live up to and knowing her, she will not be happy if she doesn't at least match her sister's grades.
I am not one of life's natural mothers. I had never fed or changed a baby until I had my own and I never felt particularly confident at what I was supposed to do. It was different with my second - I was 4 years older and not quite as anxious, but me being the overthinker that I am, had terrible feelings of guilt that number one child would think that I didn't love her anymore. I also think she may have played on this a bit.................
So all these years on and I have decided that all in all they're not bad kids that are turning each day into decent adults which is all we can really ask isn't it? They both work in a pub restaurant at night and that is where I was doing the quiz yesterday and I was amazed at the amount of strangers ( to me ) that came up to me and said what lovely girls they were. That made me proud and happy and almost forget the little screaming hissy fit that number 2 had earlier in the day.
The drain me emotionally, they make me laugh and they quite often make me cry but I wouldn't want them any other way. They both look the same, but different, I sometimes see myself in both of them which is scary but I love them unconditionally. Oldest looks more like me as we are the same colouring but youngest definitely has my acid wit. When Debbie and I were 'crafting' the other evening we needed wither a balloon or something ball shaped - number two came in and the convo went like this.
Me - Is there anything round here that is big and round?
Number Two - yeah, you.
She didn't miss a beat and Debbie roared with laughter. I laughed too as it's just the sort of thing I too would have said. Number one is also very funny, but the younger one is definitely more cutting.
So despite all the rows about missing mascaras and hair straighteners and clothes and general sisterly squabbles they get on quite well and I know that they will always be there for each other. Their loyalty is strong and even when they gang up on me and I get angry, I know that they have a proper bond.
And now? Well one is out riding her horse and the other is out for lunch with her boyfriend and the house is quiet and it is lovely and calm and peaceful.
I like that but I I love when they are both here and if I am honest , even at their worst, I wouldn't really have them any other way........cough cough.