Saturday, 25 May 2013

Big Cars + Narrow Roads = Tourist Rage

So they're on their way. When I say 'they' I am referring to the hundreds and hundreds of tourists flocking to the town. There has been an accident on the M5 so they will all arrive tired and grumpy and tensions will be high. As high as the wine that will be in my glass in about 3 hours.
Most of the tourists that come here are nice, but some of them need a slap.
This is my thoughts on it all.
Family hoo ha's
Mum and Dad are normally out at work and are  then forced to sit in a car with hyperactive kids and possible derranged in law squeezed in the back too. It's a bit like Christmas, where we all put such huge expectations on a holiday thinking that everything will be hunky dory just because you are away from home.
Any family has its' squabbles - so why should that be any different just because you're in a different location?
This is a favourite moan of mine and was infact the subject of one of my poems, 'The perils of the trolley'. You do not need an entire family to stand around gawping at the baked beans in an already small supermarket. There is also the Asda curse. No, we do not have an Asda on the harbour front love, no we do not have a gigantic shopping centre either, do you really need a multi pack of 36 bags of crisps for the first night of your holiday, and yes, it is expensive down here and yes, the shops probably do put their prices up, but think what we have to put up with 52 weeks of the year before you curl your lip at our pathetic selection of frozen potato products please.
Our roads are small and windy and there are no motorways in Cornwall. In the brochures it actually describes St Ives as being quaint and having 'old fashioned narrow cobbled roads'. This will probably make it really difficult for you to manoevre your massive Chelsea tractor around some of them but there is no need to beep your horn or swear or shake your fist as all this will do is make the other person angry, will offend a local and will only add to the already bubbling pressure cooker of family emotions as mentioned in the 'family hoo ha' section.
You are in Cornwall and it is in the same country but they may not know exactly what you are on about when you go in a chippy and ask for a 'pea mix' or demand of the local retail outlet why they dont have bread like 'what they do in Manchester'. There is a a Macdonalds at Hayle and all of the restaurants are very nice but you wont be able to buy a meal for the family for £20 like what they do in Benidorm. Get over it.
In St Ives we have pavements and in all fairness these are probably the best places to walk when you're in town. Cars generally go on the roads and by shouting loudly that it should all be pedestrianised is not going to make it happen. Walking in the middle of the road and glaring when you have to move for a car will do you no favours either, and by pushing your helpless child into the middle of the road in front of a car is just plain downright irresponsible.
We like it when it's sunny too and it's not our fault if it isn't.
Try and keep it down please. I live near several pubs and am a light sleeper and I do not wish to hear you singing or arguing in the early hours of the morning. My friend Debbie that lives near me heard a brilliant exchange one night ( she lives in town too ) along the lines of
''For fack's sake Tarquin, you were the one that facked up the ISA''.
I haven't heard anything this good but I do believe that some of them think nobody else lives in St Ives apart from those that are on holiday.
I've got a lot of my chest now and am feeling calmer. I just know that I will get some phone calls tonight from lost or starnded or just stupid guests but after a hearty swig of merlot it will all be good.
And on that note - have a jolly holly everyone!

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