Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Teetotal Tourettes and Good Riddance Metronidazole!

So I am on day 7 of no booze. I haven't missed it but in all fairness I have been so poorly what with my 'mouth issues' that I haven't even thought about it.  I don't care if you lot don't believe me - it's true! I finish the tablets tomorrow and I am allowed to have a drink 48 hours later - so that's my Friday night sorted. There is something cold and fizzy in my fridge and it's not diet coke and I am going to have a huge glass of it with my dinner.
I had a long chat with a friend today about nothing in particular and I have to say I was a potty mouthed shrew. I quite like the odd swear but I do believe that there is a time and a place and that time and place was around 10.30 in my lounge this morning. I picked up on the fact that I was being a bit rude and we decided that I had 'teetotal tourettes'. It was great and I may just never drink again but swear a lot but I seriously doubt that will happen. I simply cannot deny myself one of life's pleasures without balancing the naughtiness out elsewhere and therefore I am thinking as soon as I have that first glug that I will revert to speaking like Joanna Lumley again.
I am seeing Casual Nick tomorrow and he will say ( he's Welsh so I am doing him in a Ness from Gavin and Stacey accent but he doesn't speak anything like that at all really ) -
CN - Aright presh, how's it going?
ME - Well Nick now you mention it, I have my list of side effects with me...........
CN - Cockin lush ............
He will be impressed by my bravery and he will no doubt poke around my gums again and if he even dares to suggest that I need another week's worth then my teetotal tourettes may be unleashed.
On a negative note - I am not going to get that shiny award tomorrow at fat club. According to my mutha f**** scales I am 2 pounds up. They are totally messing with my head and they nearly got a swift kick this morning. I have eaten nothing naughty at all, I resisted every bloody cake going and I can feel a huge hissy fit brewing. I can just about handle a maintain but if I see a plus sign in my weight book then look out Redruth! And if that witchy woman also called Liz sits near me trying to befriend me again then she may get the brunt of the potential hissy fit. Just saying.
I know I am being a drama queen but I am frustrated and I know there are going to be weeks I don't lose but I just think why the hell would it be on a week when I have lived the life of a nun? I have been to a restaurant and eaten healthily  , I have been to a pub and drunk diet coke  and all for what ? No booze and a 2 pound gain. AND no carbs today or yesterday!
I can feel an attack coming on so I am going to eat a Satsuma.
Everyone cross your god damned effing fingers for me.

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