Monday, 5 August 2013

Cankles, scabs and general maladies.

So last night I had a funny turn. I went to call the bingo and as soon as the punters started queuing up and waving their wonga in front of me I came over all peculiar. I was flushed . I was light headed. I was dizzy and delirious.
 I am officially ill! 
It had all begun on Saturday night as I sat in a post Chinese coma and I noticed my right foot looking like what could only be described as a Cornish pasty. My ankle had gone and a cankle had taken  its' place. I crawled up the stairs to bed and kept sticking my foot out of the duvet to check on its' size. A sort of reddish lump had appeared by now and when I prodded it I said 'ouch'.
This happened to me a few years ago in the same foot and  ankle and after much investigation I was diagnosed as having a bout of arthritis. You can actually get arthritis as a one off and not have it for life and it was extremely painful. When I got up yesterday morning my cankle had gone down a bit but my foot was still sore. Am I boring you yet? Have you noticed anything?
Always have been and I guess I always will. I am never really properly ill ( apart from my bout of arthritis and some problems in my ahem, downstairs department )  but I am an expert in the field of self diagnosis and when the internet came along and I got a pc, well I was in hypochondriac heaven. There are sites where you can quite literally type your symptoms in and within seconds, hey presto - you have an illness!
I am not alone with this curse. My friend Rachael has it too - her migraine last year was infact a 3 day brain tumour and my old friend Nicola, well she is absolutely rehearsed in the art of being a true hypochondriac. She once sent me this book and I particularly love the tag line  ''an illness for every occasion and a disease for every symptom''
That's me all over, I don't want to be ill but if there is even the slightest thing wrong I do like to magnify it into something solid. Something definite and preferably with an 'itis' on the end of it.
Sore leg? Hello deep vein thrombosis
Forgetting something? Hello premature senile dementia.
Numb toe? MS
Feeling wheezy? Collapsed lung.
I could go but I wont. I currently have blotchy arms and a scabby chin. I have refrained from rolling a glass over the blotches to see if I have meningitis and my scabby chin I am sure isn't ringworm or eczema but you never know. And I am in no way trying to undermine those that genuinely are ill , it's just who I am.
It's simply me having a bit of a crash and burn and the stresses of the last few months coming out in physical form.
It is also down to the fact that I have a very over active imagination......and if I didn't have one then I wouldn't be writing this blog and you wouldn't be reading it right now.
So thank goodness  for hypochondria that's what I say.
Cough. Splutter. Wheeze. Croak. Whimper.

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