Saturday, 8 March 2014

I am Gillian McKeith.............but I don't look at people's poo.

So here was my idea for Thursday.....have no dinner and enjoy the buffet at the quiz. Great in principle but not so great when you are on your third drink by the time the buffet arrives.
When it got there it was fine and I may have even salivated a little. There were big fat sandwiches, onion rings , chips and rather a lot of scampi. I was on my fifth piece when I said 'I don't know what the hell is inside these breadcrumbs but I like it' and Geordie Andy reliably informed me it was scampi, the great culinary masterpiece of the 1980's. Anyway, I had 4 doubles and was fine and came home full of scampi, bread and booze - three of my now  favourite things.
Yesterday I was hanging. Not since Polish Christmas have I been so hungover and that rendered me incapable of speaking for at least 2 days. I started off okay in the morning but as soon as 3pm hit I went down quicker than a whore's drawers. It was not good and in a moment of stupidity I convinced myself that I needed some stodge so I trotted off to Warrens and bought -
2 x sausage rolls ( jumbo ones )
2 x doughnuts ( one jam and one had something sweet and sticky inside  it )
I ate them and at the risk of sounding like Gillian Mckeith or Gwyneth Paltrow they made me feel even worse. I had palpitations and I was giddy and not with pleasure and this leads me to the belief that it wasn't what I drank but what I ate!
To some of you this may sound lame, but I think it's true. For the past 6 months I have been virtually virtuous and I think the overload of fried stuff and bread stuff pushed my now healthy insides over the edge. The sausage rolls ( jumbo ) and the doughnuts added to this. It taught me a couple of lessons.
1. I should have had my dinner before the quiz and then just had a couple of bits as a treat.
2. Pastry and cakes are no longer my friends.
3. In future when people tell me to have a cake I can say 'oh no I have an allergy' and look like a bit of a knobhead.
And so today I got back on it. This was after weighing on my newly reclaimed scales and seeing that I am a pound up.
Was it worth it?  - not really.
Will I do it again? - probably but perhaps not as much.
And it is true what dear old Gillian says - you are what you eat and generally if you eat crap you feel crap. I realise I am possibly being a bit of a smug dieter here, but at the moment this is how I feel.
Today I have cleansed myself and feel a lot better. Lots of fruit and veg and meat. I am hoping that I will get rid of the surplus by fat club on Wednesday and if I don't then I will take it on the chins.
And on a jolly note - I saw an old friend today who groped me , presumably to do a flubber check and was amazed at how much  weight I had lost. It's times like this it's worth it and I am thankful that the aroma of sausage roll and doughnut had been replaced by porridge and banana.

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