dietdevil: Cheeky little poem for all of you ladies of a cert...

dietdevil: Cheeky little poem for all of you ladies of a cert...: So today I wrote a poem about wife swapping, or swinging as it's apparently better known.  It was funny and as I had written  one poe...

Cheeky little poem for all of you ladies of a certain age...........

So today I wrote a poem about wife swapping, or swinging as it's apparently better known.

 It was funny and as I had written  one poem today, I thought, 'bugger it, I'll write 2!' The most exciting part of my day is waiting for a steam cleaner that I have ordered from Amazon to be delivered so I think this will give you an indication of why I have been poetic. If you have fallen asleep by this point then WAKE UP it gets better, I promise you.

 

I have eaten some baked cheesecake and it's the quiz tonight. Mutley has only eaten a slipper today and mother in law in hospital until the weekend.

 

This poem is dedicated to all my 40 something friends................they will totally get it!

 

Goodbye George, it’s over, it’s not me , it’s you.

So for all you 80’s girls out there

That lived that decade in your teens ……..

How the hell did we miss it?

Were we really all that green?

Or were we blinded by our eyeliner

Did our fringes blur our sight

And make Wham!

 the epitome of manhood

As we now know that’s not right

I can see them like it’s yesterday

As they pranced into my life

George so butch, so roarrrrrr, so macho

Oh god I’d love to be his wife!

His flicks were big and bouncy

And they topped his glowing tan

God damn Pepsi and Shirlie

Get your hands right off my man

His pants were white and tight and sexy

They made me have rude thoughts

And who cares if a shuttlecock

Put the bulge into his shorts?

Not I for one, it didn’t click

I just thought that he was whacky

His t shirts the height of fashion

Not cheesy cheap and tacky

So it was with complete and great dismay

When he decided to come out

I saw it on the telly

‘’oh noooooooooooooo’’ they heard me shout

How could he be, what have I missed?

Did his persona reveal his likes?

What’s so wrong about a  pilot?

Or wearing leathers on your bike?

Or fancy Christmas jumpers

Or mentioning Doris Day

Or putting jitterbugs into my brain

Did that really make him GAY?

And then of course he went and got

Nicked for hanging round the loos

I believe they call it cottaging

Not a hobby I would choose

So my dream was crushed, my heart was broke

All I had left were his songs

And looking back

I can’t believe

That we all got it so wrong…………..

dietdevil: Hospitals, Naughty spaniels and cheeky gulls and f...

dietdevil: Hospitals, Naughty spaniels and cheeky gulls and f...: So did you know that WOMAN HITLER is an anagram of MOTHER IN LAW?   And as 'woman hitlers' go mine isn't bad at all. We hav...

Hospitals, Naughty spaniels and cheeky gulls and fish and chips.........oh and dodgy water!

So did you know that WOMAN HITLER is an anagram of MOTHER IN LAW?

 

And as 'woman hitlers' go mine isn't bad at all. We have had our moments over the years but I don't doubt that she loves me and I probably am the daughter she never had. It was very sad and worrying for me today to get 'that' phone call that she had chest pains and shooting pains in her arms and my hubby took her first to the doctors and then to Treliske. We have been to visit, M came and was sad to see her granny looking ill and vulnerable, hubby was sad  too and father in law when we went to get petrol couldn't find the extra safe place that he had hidden his card number in -  bless him. She is awaiting an x ray and lying slumped on a bed amongst other sick and slumped people in a ward. I loathe the indignity of hospitals and it always makes me anxious when I go in and we left her there but have got phones to hand.

 

We were very British on the way home and had the solid equivalent of a cup of tea - fish and chips. None of us had eaten and we were all hungry and I think my potential weight loss / gain at fat club is really the least of my worries.

 

They were delicious by the way............ 

 

On a lighter note, Mutley my still housebound spaniel was found chomping on a packet of Anadin today. He is being weaned off his drugs so is looking for something else to placate him. He is basically bored. No walkies for 2 months means that he has gone a bit stir crazy and a bit solid around his middle. I removed the Anadin from his jaw and in the time that it took me to have a wee ( at my age, that's no time at all ) I returned to find him chewing on a Duracell aaa battery.

 

We see Gemma, one of the vets at THE RICHEST VETS IN CORNWALL on Wednesday and we are crossing our fingers  ( and paws )  that he will be released into the wild!

 

And speaking of the wild - Tony and Gordon and Peter are ( rather like their namesakes ) taking the piss. They are gigantic, they can fly and all they do is jump up and down and flap a bit. I drove up the road today and they were just there, hanging around and , as I think they may say in Bristol, 'giving me evils'. I peeped at them and even got out the car to shooooo them out the way - they were having none of it. They reminded me of the evil gremlins in the film of the same name that stay up after midnight or eat or get water on themselves. I am now very wary.

 

So no bottled water for the 3 feathered amigos but GALLONS for the residents of St Ives. There is either fluoride or chlorine or poo in the reservoir which means we cannot, and I repeat cannot under any circumstances drink the tap water. I had a glass this morning and I started to feel a bit sick. It is psychological as apparently our street hasn't been affected, but if there is a local crisis, I am so going to be involved.

 

To be on the safe side I am drinking wine tonight though.

dietdevil: Wine, Whine and a pancake roll. Oh but I got a pos...

dietdevil: Wine, Whine and a pancake roll. Oh but I got a pos...: So I would really like to swear but I'm not going to as I am trying to attract readers from Chad and they are a clean living nation. To...

Wine, Whine and a pancake roll. Oh but I got a postcard!

So I would really like to swear but I'm not going to as I am trying to attract readers from Chad and they are a clean living nation. Today, so far has been HORRIBLE and it's not over yet. I am having Chinese tonight and some wine and will be wearing elasticated pants for the next couple of days. I don't care. I have a pair of harem pants and if they're good enough for Cheryl Cole then they're good enough for me.

 

My friends and I on Facebook  started a challenge a couple of days ago. It is to send a postcard to someone on your friends list using only the info that they supply on Facebook. I sent 2 and one of them arrived today! It was to Debbie's daughter Chelsea and I am so chuffed it got there.

 

And I got one too!

 

 

 

Yes ok, it was from Debbie and she does only live down the road but it came! It really made me laugh, especially the 'can be loud' bit. Am I loud? yes I can............but not all the time.

 

I also sent one to a lady called Gayle - I don't really know her, she is one of Leanne's friends and I addressed it to -

 

Gayle, wife of Keith

Norwich ,

Norfolk.

 

She hasn't received it yet as far as I know so come on Royal Mail - sort it out!

 

I have instructed the husband to buy me some more postcards tonight and I am going through my friends list and picking the next recipients, or victims, depending how you look at it.

 

Oh and while I am a descriptive mood - I wish people would just hush a bit when they go up my street at night. Last night we had a very drunk Glaswegian fall over across the road from me. I had my jammies on and no bra so I didn't really want to go out in public . Luckily he came round and staggered up the road not long after his collapse. We then had scousers going off on one. Now normally I love a scouser - they really are my favourite people but not at midnight. It was a husband and wife team arguing over a lost slipper. I was tempted to yell fish wife style out the window, but as my postcard says , I am an inspirational and motivational person and I don't want to set a bad example.

 

Maybe I will later though when I am full of Chinese and wearing those loose harem pants.

 

Why Aye.

 

dietdevil: Old friends, New friends and was that Bradley Wigg...

dietdevil: Old friends, New friends and was that Bradley Wigg...: So what a night last night was. Brilliant banter and a brilliant crowd up at Polmanter. My friend Anne was there with her lovely family fro...