dietdevil: Oh September I can smell you.............

dietdevil: Oh September I can smell you.............: So you may not remember me, faithful blog readers. I have been a flighty blogger over the last few weeks. I have been too busy - work wise ...

Oh September I can smell you.............

So you may not remember me, faithful blog readers. I have been a flighty blogger over the last few weeks. I have been too busy - work wise and social life wise which is good. A busy mind is a happy mind, or something along those lines. Last Saturday was the last nasty one of the season and although we are still busy -  September is  just so much nicer.

 

These are a few of the things that have happened.

 

M passed her GCSE's with flying colours.

 

I ate a large chocolate éclair yesterday and had heartburn all night.

 

I went to the Newlyn Fish Festival and after having a panic attack when a wasp got in the car and then having to pay £5 each to get in and then eating a burger and an ice cream from St Ives companies and then deciding I don't really like fish, I think it will be the last time I go.

 

I have still been doing the quiz every Tuesday and it has meant some great laughs and meeting some lovely people. There has been the odd arsehole but the good outweighed the bad.

 

I have been drooling at Paul Hollywood in the Great British Bake Off.

 

X Factor starts again in 2 days and I am a bit giddy.

 

I have made some grand plans which I cant disclose at the moment.

 

My diet is up the swanny.

 

The weather has been fantastic.

 

The spaniels are still bonkers.

 

I haven't smashed anyone's head in this summer although the temptation is strong.

 

All in all it hasn't been a bad August but the thought of September being just a few days away really excites me. The sun will still shine, the crowds will be fewer, the nights will draw in, I can light my fire and the girls will go off to 6th form and back to university.

 

Back to relative normality.

 

Back to book group.

 

Back to writing group.

 

All in all - great!

 

 

dietdevil: I AM Beatty!

dietdevil: I AM Beatty!: So tomorrow the little pink bundle that I gave birth to on Wednesday January 15th 1997 will get her GCSE results. She is a wreck and so am ...

I AM Beatty!

So tomorrow the little pink bundle that I gave birth to on Wednesday January 15th 1997 will get her GCSE results. She is a wreck and so am I because all we ever want for our kids is for them to do well. Of course we want them to be happy and healthy and have good friends and be nice people but when they have worked their socks off  ( which M has ) then it stands to reason that we want them to get what they deserve.

 

I therefore feel like this lady below

 

 

and am hoping that in about 16 hours time I will be on the phone crowing that she has an 'ology'.

 

On to other things.

 I have been out and about this week. Coffee and a mooch with Lisa yesterday and lunch with Leanne today. I would like to say that all I ate was a ham salad but that would be a lie. There were chips involved and then there was a huge slice of honeycombe cheesecake involved. But I am not having dinner and there was salad and a diet coke involved so that's ok isn't it???

 

It was the quiz again last night and the Bookworms won it! Sadly so did 2 other teams so I was forced to do a tie break situation and the Bookworms then didn't win it. It was all very exciting. I felt a bit like Christ Tarrant. The owner of the bar had also bought me a drink which contained 6 vodkas in it so I felt a little bit like Gazza in the dentist's chair too.

 

And on that jolly note I am off to think about bagels and brisket.

 

 

dietdevil: Cute spaniels, typical British weather and the lig...

dietdevil: Cute spaniels, typical British weather and the lig...: So I haven't blogged for 8 days. I haven't had the inspiration or the energy. The town is packed, the roads are packed and everyone...

Cute spaniels, typical British weather and the light at the end of the tunnel.

So I haven't blogged for 8 days. I haven't had the inspiration or the energy. The town is packed, the roads are packed and everyone is grumpy.

 

In between the hot balmy days down here in St Ives we have had torrential rain. I wore my flip flops on Saturday but renamed then slip slops as I was literally sliding all over the place. My hair got wet, it went frizzy , there was mud splashed up my legs and I was not a happy bunny.

 

The good news though, since my last blog is that Mutley can now go back out for walkies. It was a heart warming moment when Steve the vet told us on Thursday that he could now go back out with the other 2. Mutley couldn't believe his luck when my hubby tipped him the wink to trot along and get his lead on. He was only allowed ten minutes but came home happy and exhausted.

 

H took all 3 of them up Trencrom Hill today and as you can see they were in their element.

 

 

They sniffed, their tails wagged and they then drank muddy water but loved every moment.

 

And as there are only 12 days left of this horrid month I have started to smile again. I love the month September - everything is so much calmer and although it is still busy, the people are just generally nicer. Everyone that lives in a holiday town will know exactly what I mean here.

 

And that is my light at the end of the tunnel. I am not thinking about M's GCSE results on Thursday or H going back to uni in about 5 weeks. I will take those events as they happen and try and be chilled.

 

Anyone that knows me will know that this is rubbish but I will try my hardest.

dietdevil: Nobody has ever burnt their mouth on a lettuce - d...

dietdevil: Nobody has ever burnt their mouth on a lettuce - d...: So my kids were not kidding when the poor ashen faced, sunken eyed little angels cried   ''MUMMY WE HAVE NO FOOD''   ...

Nobody has ever burnt their mouth on a lettuce - damn you, creme brulee!

So my kids were not kidding when the poor ashen faced, sunken eyed little angels cried

 

''MUMMY WE HAVE NO FOOD''

 

so I couldn't put it off any longer and went shopping.

 

I don't like shopping. That's why computers and the internet were invented. Actually I like shopping shopping but not food shopping. It sucks and as I had woken up at 6.23 am and hadn't been able to get back to sleep I wasn't really in the mood.

 

Mum in law is out of hospital and is tired but recovering. I texted her to ask if they wanted any shopping and she sent a text back that struck terror into my very soul.

 

''Can Bill come with you?''.

 

Bill is my father in law and he is good as gold, but can often be a little cantankerous. I said I would take him though and made M come along too for moral support. It took me about 20 minutes just to get out of St Ives and after peeping at people and being peeped at myself and muttering a few naughty words under my breath we arrived at Morrisons and Bill announced that he hadn't brought his glasses or his hearing aid or his shopping list. I got him his trolley and my own trolley and zipped off in true supermarket sweep style pretending I hadn't heard him.

 

I wasted no time.

 

Fruit? Yes

 

Veg? Yes

 

Fish? Yes

 

Meat? Yes

 

Dried Goods? Yes

 

Crème Brulee? Oh no! How did this end up in my fridge?

 

Yes, you've guessed it, the non diet isn't going too well again and I love crème brulee. Its my fave puddy after the STP and I have just grilled it and was so eager to slurp it that I have burnt my mouth.

 

I think there are lessons to be learned today.

 

1. You don't slurp crème brulee when its still hot.

 

2. Nobody ever burnt their mouth on a lettuce.

 

But as my fridge and veg rack and fruit bowl are now bursting and fit to pop ( a bit like me really ) I have no excuse! Tomorrow I will be good. Even though that crème brulee is a twin pack and its' evil lookalike is sat there, ironically next to the fat free yogurt staring at me, I will resist.

 

I will, really.

 

And the sign that I am getting old myself today must be my sheer despair that I couldn't find one of my slippers. I have now spied it on the shed roof. Freddy is looking guilty but I am not going to get it as I am afraid there may be beasties in it.

 

Oh and we have a terraced garden with the sheds at the bottom incase any of you were thinking that my dogs can climb. They can't.

 

 

 

 

dietdevil: Where the hell are my nuggets and big knickers.

dietdevil: Where the hell are my nuggets and big knickers.: So tonight we had another meal out. I wore big knickers to contain my belly and they held me in so well that a bit of me was popping over t...

Where the hell are my nuggets and big knickers.

So tonight we had another meal out. I wore big knickers to contain my belly and they held me in so well that a bit of me was popping over the top for most of the night and I looked like I was pregnant!

 

I am not pregnant but I have definitely been eating for 2 ..............or even 3 .

 

We went to the Halsetown Inn - which is also owned by the people that own Blas Burgerworks, a very nice place in town that does proper job organic burgers which are a bit pricey. The pub itself used to be a typical country place, doing roasts on a Sunday and quiz nights and darts nights etc but it is very different now. Am not sure if its nicer  but it has certainly changed.

 

The first thing I need to say is that the pricing on their menu I find somewhat pretentious. Instead of £10.50 it says 10.5 and this annoyed me. I have no idea why it did, but I still thought ''oh please'' when I read it. The barman had a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle but the waitresses were nice and gave us plenty of time to look at the strangely priced menu.

 

I had lamb nuggets to start with. I was going to have a tofu scotch egg for a laugh as my neighbour had assured me that they tasted no different from meat.

 

Dear Mike my neighbour, I really don't think tofu is going to taste like pork sausage meat and I have to say I will never know because I really couldn't bring myself to pay 4.5 to find out!

 

This was one of my lamb nuggets.

 

 

Leanne had the other one and I had half of her massive crispy onion rings

 

 

Now my first issue was that they forgot to bring my lamb nuggets out so as everyone was tucking into their lovely starters I was sat staring at an empty space on the table. I was hungry and I could feel my belly working its' way out so I wasn't happy. They did eventually show up after we had asked for them ( again)  and they apologised for the delay.

 

Hmph. It's a good job I don't like to make a fuss.

 

I then went on to have a posh burger and then an even posher banana split.

 

 

Now as I recall , Banana splits used to be served in a long glass dish, the banana having been split up the middle lengthways and then 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream, some squirty cream, bit of choccy sauce and a glace cherry on top.

 

Not anymore they don't. I think the banana had been grilled and the crunchy bits on the top were proper honeycomb pieces. There was no squirty cream and not a glace cherry in sight. They also forgot to give me a long thin spoon to eat it with . They gave me a large pudding spoon.

 

Hmph number 2.

 

But apart from nuggetgate and spoongate all was good. Oh and one more thing - the only cider they sold was draught so I was magner-less tonight and was forced to drink vodka and wine, though not in the same glass.

 

I am stuffed. I am as full as a bandit's rifle. I need to eat some fruit tomorrow.

 

I ALSO NEED TO.....................GO SHOPPING!

 

Its a dirty job but someone has to do it. I am going to have a lie in, and then go to Morrisons in Penzance. I am thrilled at the prospect of this ...............not.

 

I am now looking at my belly thinking of the food baby in it and how I need to get rid of it. Sorry food baby, I have loved every bit of your creation but I am going to pop.

 

And on a final note, even if I was stick thin............I would still wear big knickers. I like a sturdy gusset. Almost as much as I like a big giant onion ring.

 

 

dietdevil: In the words of Donna Summer, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH - a...

dietdevil: In the words of Donna Summer, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH - a...: So I didn't blog yesterday. It was a bit of a day. We visited mum in law in hospital and she then got more chest pains and had to have ...

In the words of Donna Summer, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH - and quiz wars!

So I didn't blog yesterday. It was a bit of a day. We visited mum in law in hospital and she then got more chest pains and had to have her op ( atherectomy ) done quickly instead of tomorrow as planned. We were all worried sick and I was meant to be doing the quiz last night and couldn't really get out of it but didn't want to go until I knew she had come round and was ok.

 

Thankfully she was and is getting better now and is hoping to be home in the next few days. Not a very nice few days but lots of love and support from friends and family.

 

Now let's talk about my 'diet'...............

 

My goodness I have been a monster! It has been a case of eating on the go this last week and a half but really??? I had a MacDonalds yesterday ( it goes against my principles but it tasted lovely ) I had fish and chips last night, I had a big fat ice cream today ...........

 

 

 

and then I had this .............

 

 

 

and even though I had skimmed milk in my tea I don't really think that's going to make a whole lot of difference to my calorie intake.

 

I am obviously rebelling against the system. Those stickers may be tempting but my non diet worked. I am too busy to really care what I do but enough is enough, I need to eat some apples and salad tomorrow before I fall over on my back and am unable to get up like the proverbial tortoise, a very fat proverbial tortoise. I am going to shop tomorrow and buy some 'super foods' . I actually think that chocolate and wine is absolutely super but I mean beans and pulses and stuff like that.

 

I can hardly contain my excitement.

 

And on to the quiz.

 

Well it wasn't as busy as normal but the people there were cracking. Apart from the fat bloke sat on the table next to me. The Bookworms were joined by 2 of the team member's family members and they split into  boys versus girls teams. After the first half the girls were in the lead.....................but the boys won! There was threatens of eviction, there may have been the word 'divorce' used, there was a lot of gloating and a few naughty words I'm sure. But it was all good fun.

 

Apart from fatty boom boom sat next to me.

 

I had asked the question - ''if you list all the counties of England alphabetically which one comes last''

 

The answer is Worcestershire but old wobble guts said it was Yorkshire and I said that WEST Yorkshire, NORTH Yorkshire and SOUTH Yorkshire didn't come last alphabetically and he got a bit shirty. I told him I had checked on Wikipedia and it was correct and he said he had googled it on his smart phone and I was wrong and I said you shouldn't be using your smart phone at a quiz and his crushing ( or so he thought ) final line was...........wiat for it, it's good...........

 

EY OOP LASS I SHOULD KNOW I WAS BORN THERE

 

So I said what did that have to do with the price of cheese he was still wrong and then his wife told him to shut up and then he went to the bar and the barman asked if he was enjoying the quiz and he said yes apart form her ( thumbing at me ) said it wasn't Yorkshire and I shouted Worcestershire and he said well even if it WAS Yorkshire, which it is, then we wouldn't have won and I said well why are you still going on about it you dumb git ( I didn't say 'you dumb git' I just thought it ) and then he sat down and was silent.

 

So all in all a good night!

 

My cankle is up and down still but is no longer sore.

 

I now think I have an ear infection in my right ear. I am dizzy and I staggered when I was in the kitchen. I am going to have some wine now to give me a reason to stagger.

 

And then I am going to go to bed and dream of mung beans.

Cankles, scabs and general maladies.

So last night I had a funny turn. I went to call the bingo and as soon as the punters started queuing up and waving their wonga in front of me I came over all peculiar. I was flushed . I was light headed. I was dizzy and delirious.

 

 I am officially ill! 

 

It had all begun on Saturday night as I sat in a post Chinese coma and I noticed my right foot looking like what could only be described as a Cornish pasty. My ankle had gone and a cankle had taken  its' place. I crawled up the stairs to bed and kept sticking my foot out of the duvet to check on its' size. A sort of reddish lump had appeared by now and when I prodded it I said 'ouch'.

 

This happened to me a few years ago in the same foot and  ankle and after much investigation I was diagnosed as having a bout of arthritis. You can actually get arthritis as a one off and not have it for life and it was extremely painful. When I got up yesterday morning my cankle had gone down a bit but my foot was still sore. Am I boring you yet? Have you noticed anything?

 

I AM A HYPOCHONDRIAC.

 

Always have been and I guess I always will. I am never really properly ill ( apart from my bout of arthritis and some problems in my ahem, downstairs department )  but I am an expert in the field of self diagnosis and when the internet came along and I got a pc, well I was in hypochondriac heaven. There are sites where you can quite literally type your symptoms in and within seconds, hey presto - you have an illness!

 

I am not alone with this curse. My friend Rachael has it too - her migraine last year was infact a 3 day brain tumour and my old friend Nicola, well she is absolutely rehearsed in the art of being a true hypochondriac. She once sent me this book and I particularly love the tag line  ''an illness for every occasion and a disease for every symptom''

 

That's me all over, I don't want to be ill but if there is even the slightest thing wrong I do like to magnify it into something solid. Something definite and preferably with an 'itis' on the end of it.

 

Sore leg? Hello deep vein thrombosis

 

Forgetting something? Hello premature senile dementia.

 

Numb toe? MS

 

Feeling wheezy? Collapsed lung.

 

I could go but I wont. I currently have blotchy arms and a scabby chin. I have refrained from rolling a glass over the blotches to see if I have meningitis and my scabby chin I am sure isn't ringworm or eczema but you never know. And I am in no way trying to undermine those that genuinely are ill , it's just who I am.

 

It's simply me having a bit of a crash and burn and the stresses of the last few months coming out in physical form.

 

It is also down to the fact that I have a very over active imagination......and if I didn't have one then I wouldn't be writing this blog and you wouldn't be reading it right now.

 

So thank goodness  for hypochondria that's what I say.

 

Cough. Splutter. Wheeze. Croak. Whimper.

dietdevil: Bingo is the new black and a lot of moobs and cake...

dietdevil: Bingo is the new black and a lot of moobs and cake...: So my working day is almost over thank goodness. I really don't like Saturdays. It was busy and hot and this seemed to give men of a ce...

Bingo is the new black and a lot of moobs and cake.

So my working day is almost over thank goodness. I really don't like Saturdays. It was busy and hot and this seemed to give men of a certain age carte blanche ( ooh get me ) to expose their man breasts, or moobs as they're more commonly known. Don't get me wrong, I like nothing more than a nice bronzed chest to ogle at but when the moobs are almost as big as my own boobs and are covered in hair and there is a beer belly and speedos underneath then it's just not nice. Put it away lads - make way for the younger generation. I know many of you may be thinking that I haven't exactly got the body of a supermodel but I don't have bits of me hanging out and the odd hair that may poke out of my own chest is discreetly plucked.

 

I have had 2 cake related incidents today.

 

I was given a custard doughnut by my friend Steve and I was so eager to ram it in my mouth that I nearly choked to death on it. Thankfully I survived to write the tale and you would think this may be God's way of saying ''Liz, my child, if that had been a lettuce then you wouldn't have choked'' and I am pretty sure my reply would have been ''God, if that was a lettuce then I don't think I would have been so eager to scoffeth it''

 

Anyway, I obviously didn't learn my lesson and had another piece of cake later on. The lovely café that M works in does takeaway cake and I had this.........

 

 

I didn't choke on this one and I have to say it was like angels dancing on my tastebuds.

 

Now on tomorrow - It's that time of the week again - BINGO!

 

I have decided that Bingo is the new black. It is cool to go there, it is even cooler to call the numbers ( like what I do ) and there is some serious money to be won. Some of the punters spend a bomb on it and some of them I wouldn't want to meet up a dark alley but it is such a laugh. I love it.

I have a couple of friends coming and I am crossing my fingers that they win and then they can buy me a drink.

 

And as I think about my SW failure again and the fact that we will be having a Chinese tonight, well, it's over and out from number 8 -

 

ONE FAT LADY.

dietdevil: Elderflower prosecco darling? Oh yes please, go on...

dietdevil: Elderflower prosecco darling? Oh yes please, go on...: So it's August and me no like. I do not like the town at this time of year and I don't particularly like the guests. If you are som...

Elderflower prosecco darling? Oh yes please, go on then.

So it's August and me no like. I do not like the town at this time of year and I don't particularly like the guests. If you are someone that visits St Ives now , I'm sure you're very nice but , on the whole, no no no.....just leave me alone and don't make eye contact. Seriously. I will give you an example - a family have just walked past my window and each and everyone of them felt the need to shout 'bogeys' at the top of their voice all the way up Bedford Road.

Why?

Really. Why?

 I hope Tony Gordon and Peter squawked at them and gave them a good pecking. And on the subject of those 3 naughty gulls, they are still here. They are here to stay. One of them flew past my window and crapped on it last night. It was their way of either saying ''hello'' or ''where the hell is the bottled water?''

 

I went out last night for ( another ) meal as we decided to treat Hugh, my favourite  farmer type person. He trained M in her public speaking and we have all become friends.

 

 I like the name Hugh.

 

 This is why.

 

My Grandpa was called Hugh.

 

My uncle was called Hugh.

 

Hugh Grant is called Hugh.

 

Hugh Fernley Whatsisname is also called Hugh.

 

The meal was delicious by the way.  I may have had this to start.

 

 

And I may have had this for mains

 

 

But if I had had this for pudding that would have been wrong wouldn't it?

 

 

Anyway, what I had to drink was elderflower prosecco! I'm not a bubbles sort of girl, I normally like my wine red and fruity and cheeky but I have to say it was exquisite. Am I posh now?

 

I think you have probably all gathered that my diet seems to be on hold at the moment. It's August, it's quite mad and so am I so I think I have better things to do then eating carrots. In 28 days time it will be September so I will do something about it then, I really will.

 

Is elderflower prosecco one of my 5 a day?

 

 

 

dietdevil: Hospitals, Shopping and whoops

dietdevil: Hospitals, Shopping and whoops: So mother in law is still in Treliske. She is bored and a bit weepy but doing ok. It upsets me seeing her like this and I never quite know ...

Hospitals, Shopping and whoops

So mother in law is still in Treliske. She is bored and a bit weepy but doing ok. It upsets me seeing her like this and I never quite know what to say but I gave her a hug and the latest Dawn French book.

 We went to visit her today and then I took M into Truro to buy a birthday pressie for her boyfriend

 

Shopping with M is quite trying at the best of times. My feet were throbbing and I had the beginning of a headache. My diet has gone out the window this week. Dinner for me last night was a chewy saffron bun and some Yorkie buttons and lunch today was a pork sandwich, and ermmmm, this........................

 

 

 

I won't lie - it was delicious. I think it may be time to start thinking 'non diet' again as being part of the SW regime clearly isn't working. I bought a dress from Fat Face - I haven't tried it on, so there could well be tears before bedtime in this house if my body doesn't fit into it.

 

Anyway, it is now August and nobody does diets properly in August do they?

 

My steam cleaner arrived from Amazon and it has changed my life! It took about an hour for me to remove it from it's over packaging and work out how to switch it on but it has brought my kitchen tiles up lovely.

 I also couldn't stand being in Top Shop today for too long because of the loud music and young people annoy me in general. I might buy some Slimma slacks and some Scholl sandals while I'm at it. 

 

Grumble grumble grumble.